April 2011


I'm trying not to freak out

Come May 18th, I have no where to live and no where to work.  Most people would be freaking out about this fact and honestly that’s what is happening on the inside.  I was not hired for the summer position at UALR, but the reasoning behind it is a good one.  I completely agree with the supervisor as to why I was not hired, but at the same time I still wish I would have been hired.

I have been presented with an AWESOME opportunity to work with Our House and AmeriCorps Vista.  The job is only 2 months but it pays well and will cover the costs of my bills (except rent).  I won’t know if I get that job until about the time I have to move out of East Hall.  I’ve lived in 311 since August 2009.  I have not had to move anything since then.  This is going to be really strange for me.  I’m just hoping that everything works out and that I can find an affordable place to live.

With gas prices increasing every day I know that I can’t commute from Lonoke every day, plus my grandparents are planning on moving anyway.  It’s now a waiting game for me until I figure everything out.  I’m just hoping that things work out in my favor, but we will see…in the mean time if you know anywhere that is hiring or a place that I can live for cheap I would love to hear about it.

My poor car

I joke with my grandparents that every time they get admitted to the hospital I get into an accident. The day my grandmother had her heart surgery a car hit mine while it was parked in the parking deck at UAMS. I didn’t even have the car 6 months yet. Not my fault though, their insurance covered everything. The second accident I was in, I was on my way to the VA hospital to see my grandpa after his neck surgery and a SUV hit the side of my car. Again not my fault so everything was covered. My grandma got admitted last Monday, and I was in a small fender-bender that day, but there was no damage done to either car. I assumed that was my accident for this hospital visit. I was wrong.

I was driving down I430 south on Wednesday and they have construction going on. I noticed that there was an accident in front of me so I started slowing down. However all the cars in front of me slam on their brakes, so I had to do the same…except my car didn’t stop. I hit the REALLY expensive car in front of me. When I hit someone I don’t hit the 10 year old Chevy…no I hit the brand new Jaguar. I’m awesome I know.

Luckily there was not much damage done to their car. The bumper was a little banged up, but not much. My car doesn’t look bad from the picture, but I’m crossing my fingers that it messed up the inside. I know that it busted my radiator, so I am going to have to get that fixed but that’s currently all I know.

I’m waiting to hear about the cost, but they said that the woman working on my case won’t even look at it until Monday. I’m glad I chose not to get a rental car, because that $8 a day adds up quick when 5 days go by and no one even looks at your car.

I’m still hoping that my car is totaled because I would like a new one, but we will see. With my luck it’s probably going to be $3,999.99. If that’s the case…just throw in an air freshener PLEASE!

I’m scared of a lot of things.  Things that I shouldn’t be scared of.

I’m scared of noises in the dark, because I never know what could be out there.

I’m scared that I’m going to spend the rest of my life alone, and that’s never good.

I’m scared that I’m going to fail.

There are a lot more, but that’s all for now.  Right now the thing that I am most afraid of is what I am going to do next year.  I want to stay at UALR and continue to be a resident assistant, but I don’t know if I can afford to.  However, I know that I can’t afford to live off campus.  I also can’t afford to live at home and commute everyday.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.

It’s starting to become clear that I might need to take a year off from school to work and save up money so that I can come back.  However, I know that most people who take a year off won’t actually come back.  That scares me because I want to graduate from college but right now I can’t afford it.

I have a scholarship at UALR, however now that we are required to have meal plans I’m not going to have the extra money that I usually have.  I still have to pay for my piece of crap car that is going to fall apart any day now.  I still have medical bills that I have to pay because I have no health insurance.  I also have to buy a new computer because mine only turns on when it feels like it.

I still have no idea what I’m going to do and that scares me.  I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to figure it all out.  I’m stressed and I know that I shouldn’t be, but I just can’t help it.