March 2010


I had to do a project for theatre. I had to come up with a visual metaphor for my life. I didn’t know what I was going to do until the other night when I was laying in bed trying to get to sleep. Then it hit me. My life is a maze. I’m always taking the wrong turns in life and having to back track to get back on the right path. I know that I am heading in the right direction, but sometimes I make a left instead of a right and I hit a dead end. When I was putting the box together yesterday, I realized that even if I make it to the end of my maze, there is a road block. There is something standing in my way of me reaching my goal. Of me climbing that ladder and tearing my wall down. I don’t know what that road block is, but I’m going to figure it out. I know that I will make it to the end of my maze one day, and when that day comes…it will be a great day. But first, I have to figure out how to get to the road block.

Alice in the Maze

Some days I feel like Alice from Alice in Wonderland. She goes into this alternate universe and nothing is as it seems. That’s how I feel. Now I’ve been a fan of Alice in Wonderland since I was little, and I never understood the part at the end when she was running through the maze to get back home. Now I fully understand that. I understand that she is running from the cards, but that’s not what I get from it anymore. I now see a deeper meaning in the maze. That’s life. Sometimes you are going to come to a dead end in life and you are going to have to turn around and start again. There are going to be people in your way and you have to decide if you are going to let them stay in your way or if you are going to push them off to the side. Either way, everyone’s life is a maze and you just have to keep moving forward towards your goal.

Over the last week I have been there for a friend.  This friend was going through a really rough time and needed someone who would be there to listen and to help them.  I stayed up all night with this friend because they had a toothache and couldn’t sleep.  I brought this friend food because they didn’t have the energy to get out of bed.  I was there when this friend was crying their eyes out because someone had hurt them.  I went to the store for this friend and brought them back whatever they asked for.  I was there when this friend needed me.  If they asked me to come and talk, within five minutes I was there for them.  This friend told me I was the best friend anyone could ask for.  That I knew them better than anyone else.  That I was always there for them.  And what do I get in return?  This friend is no longer talking to me, because they got the person who hurt them back.  The person who caused everything they went through, is back in their life.  I don’t see how this is fair.  I don’t see how someone can just throw someone off to the side after everything that was done for them.  The other person wasn’t there when my friend was throwing up because they were so upset.  The other person wasn’t there when my friend needed a glass of water to take some medicine.  The other person wasn’t there when my friend couldn’t fall asleep at night and just needed someone to talk to.  I was there though.  Because that’s the kind of friend I am.  But in the end, I get nothing out of it.  I don’t expect a card or a gift or even a thank you.  That’s not why I do what I do.  But I was expecting to keep a friend.  I was expecting this friend to be there for me.  But no, they don’t want anything to do with me now.  They got what they wanted so they are done.  I was used.  That hurts.  I can’t believe I let myself get used in that way.  I thought this friend was better than that, and I thought this friend was going to move on, but it turns out this friend is weak.  They can’t let go of the one thing that was tearing them apart.  My friend and I both know that things won’t work out the way that this friend wants them to.  And then what’s going to happen?  This friend is going to come crawling back to me asking me to be there.  And will I be there? Yes, because that’s who I am.